31 Comments

A very thoughtful reflection and one with which I sympathize. The death of someone close to us, especially by surprise, does indeed offer a shock to the psyche and allows for a kind of reimprinting of one’s being. Strong psychedelic experiences can be similar in this regard as they in some ways simulate the fear of death at parts. When we are in this more malleable form after being shocked in one way or another then the opportunities to remold one’s personality and remake one’s life are endless.

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

You've got a good mind Frederick, and a heart, too. My mother died many years ago, at 93. I'm 80, so reading what you wrote, I felt a pang of remorse... I do feel alone now as I mature, then when she died. See; I wasn't a friend of hers. So, I've been on the road this last two years, writing and being alone... something good for me. And I've been asking forgiveness. And I remember how she loved me. And I'd like another chance please...

Meanwhile I'm discovering just how dangerous some of us can be to ourselves; another story for another day. Keep up what you're doin' and you're right about religion... stick with yourself. Fuzz

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

Mother dead a month before 12th birthday, father five years later. No satisfaction with spiritual teachings. A great awareness that my experience was my teacher and companion and I placed my trust there. Sending love. I felt it even through the rocky terrain.

Thanks for your post.

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

I have just finished reading your essay David - have left comment. It was an enormously insightful and hugely inspiring piece of work and a joy to read. Managing day to day living, socialisation and healing appears to be a challenge you readily accept. Hyper vigilance can, if used in combination with acceptance of limitations be an enormously powerful tool to adopt when attempting to move forward leaving states of high anxiety on one side. To be suffering PTSD at this time when our world and much that we took for granted as secure, solid and grounded is no longer in place will without doubt place further perceived pressures upon you. Chaos is a state that, amongst many other psychological warfare tactics is a challenging one to navigate .. staying grounded, positive and “whole” will require considerable strength and determination which, having only read a small sample of your work, l believe you truly do have within you. I feel blessed to have “met” you and privileged that you felt able to share your personal feelings and emotions. Thank you 🙏🏻

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

My father is in hospice right, he suffered from Alzheimer’s for a long time. I grieved when he forgot me, grieved when he went to memory care and now grieving the end. I feel I am a million places at once, relief, dread, sadness, happy as he wouldn’t have wanted one shred of this. They say to ‘lean into’ these uncomfortable feelings, I know/don’t know what that means. But I do know my psyche is whipped the fuck up, we are expansive as humans and ultimately consciousness. It’s only a death for those of us who are left, with our limited thoughts of what might be on the other side. I found this email and Pema quote helpful. Thank you.

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

I love Chödrön’. It brings to mind the process of the Goddess of Never Not Broken, Akhilandeshvari. Thank you for the share which has brought clarification for me about Akhilandeshvari.

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

Although my baby daughter died suddenly several decades ago, I still recall the unexpected-going the extra mile-kindness of friends and strangers at that time. That taught me things I needed to learn and which have influenced my social relationships and actions ever since.

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

how i effing love the sugar honey iced tea out of your posts!!! your references and quotes alone are swoon worthy. your insights, thought provoking and well stated. accorded to aristotle, 'memory is the scribe of the soul.' and to shakespeare, 'expectation is the root cause of all heartache.' to you i say thank you ~ for bringing the real and keeping me engaged (and so eloquently!) every time. keep it coming because '...the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind...' (thank you, bob). with gratitude and sending blessings, g.

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Jan 20, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

Compelling essay.

The Chödrön quote evokes a daily need to appreciate one has everything needed here and now, regardless of circumstances, unless we let our consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the past or the imagined future.

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thank you for the beautiful excerpt - it was just about what I needed to read today. and yes, you learn to live with grief - it never really truly goes away.

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Jan 20, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

"Practice dying" has been one of my many mantras for around half a century. I have long kept a journal of quotes about grief and dying, mainly as a resource for my two adult children when I die. Along with Pema Chodron's wisdom, Jeff Foster's perceptions, below, keep me balancing on that razor's edge of grieving and living.

'You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed.

Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away.

'But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realizing this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you.

This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.

'Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.'

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Yes 🙌 I had the honor of meeting Pema Chodron a number of years ago and her writing is incredible. Her spoken words are brilliant. I’ve been falling all my life and started leaving behind the anticipation of things I cannot predict. It gets easier with time. The only thing we can change is how we perceive a situation. 🙏

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Jan 20, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

In my early 30s I was having serious health issues. It wasn't bad health so much, it was chronic pain. I ended up bedridden for over 3 months. This was what I called a "deconstruction". I learned how much of life is completely out of my control. I learned to just be.

I'm not perfect at it🙄😂 But giving myself room to feel my feels, think my thoughts, and just see what happens next has been an unexpected positive from a seriously crappy negative.

I'm in the middle of another problem with my pain management. Totally beyond my control. I'm not stressed about it, or worrying what will happen... I hope it's resolved soon, but I'm not trying to force it.

I've not yet lost anyone super close to me. I don't know how or if that experience will differ from my deconstruction. I think we all have to find our answers within ourselves. Teachers and guides may assist, but our life journey is ours to figure out.🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you Frederick, as always, for using your words to send me on a Thought Journey 💕

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Jan 21, 2023Liked by Frederick Woodruff

When my brother died unexpectedly, I distinctly remember walking out the door and completely loosing my balance. I struggled to walk, the ground felt foreign, and I was surrounded with a familiar place I had no idea how to navigate. If that’s what shock did to my physical body, I can only imagine the depths it plunged in my soul. It took a very long time to process.

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I resonated with your words so much. I have been struggling with this as well. In the past few years, I have been heavily engaged in a spiritual quest to better understand myself. I have, however, been getting this constant nudge to stop relying on outside information because the more I read about other people's opinions, the more I internalise their aforementioned concepts. In turn, this took me away from my own truth and instead of gaining clarity about myself, I became a jumbled mess based on other people's ideas. And now once again I have to begin this journey of de-conditioning.

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I am very sorry to hear about you mother Frederick. Thank you for these reflections which I totally relate to. I too have experienced harsh feelings frequently and now take the time to let them be felt rather than try to disperse through following some 'spiritual' or 'healing' means. I have a Scorpio Sun conjunct Mercury and Saturn (in Sag) in a square with Pluto......so much harshness and sometimes neurotic thinking can arise here which can cause a real tempest if allowed to fester, but even tempests blow themselves out! And I do not want explanations or rationales either, in fact I don't even want to listen to my own 'blah blah!' I love the passage from "When Things Fall Apart".

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